Part 1: A teacher said to me, several years ago when I was still in the process of getting my Fine Arts degree, that he didn't want to hear any more excuses. "I don't want to hear these excuses, noone but you is responsible for the work". It hurt. But I did get the point.
So this is a moment when I would like to pass this comment on to some other people.
I know it is not their fault; I know there is a festival building up; I have understood that this is the sort of lawless place where you can't expect your room (that you rent) to be clean upon arrival, or to get any sleep since people are building art-installations on the other side of your studio/bedroom wall between 18.00 pm and 05.00 am, every night; I have understood that some people have found these terms disagreeable and left without notice; I have understood that some have left without paying the bill which causes problems with the landlord; I have understood that some people don't have a facility for communicating certain things clearly, especially when they are under a lot of stress; I have understood that the organizers here have a bit too much on their plate and that they are actually really cool people (so other people say); and I know what it is to be undermanned and coordinator of a festival. I know and understand all this. But its not my problem. What is my problem is how to negotiate this situation. And whilst figuring out where to sleep etc, what I don't want on top of it all is to get the ass-end of their bad organization and still be asked to excuse them for it.
Note: Excusing yourself is a way to avoid responsibility rather that to assume it.
It is not a way to say that you are sorry.
12/08/23
Tallinn
(with headache)
Part 2: The first weekend of the festival is over and I am going home tomorrow. A final wrap-up of my thoughts concerning this place, where was my head, where is my head. This is after all why I came here, for something to shift and change.
My previous point still stands I guess. I think this space could benefit from clarifying their vision (in contrast to the current pseudo anarchist laissez-faire) and in thinking what place they want this to be, also think about what people they want to come here.
Part of me can really appreciate that this simply is what it is and thats that, and that its is good as such and fills a function. Another part of me thinks that this place could be "fulfilling its potential" more than what it does right now. For what purpose would that be? To get funding? It would be a good thing if the organizers here got paid for the work they do, and if there was toilet paper and clean sheets. Or, would it be to attract a higher level artist in the contemporary international artscene, thus, for the prestige and the connections? It is very reasonable to criticize the idea that everything should be part of a career, expand, go somewhere. Yet, above standing reasons arent actually, I dont think so at least, bad reasons to focus the efforts of this place.
I think that the most interesting feature, for me, of Polymer is the mix. Art-teachers, amateurs, international artists, people with high degree, people with no degree, criticism and lack thereof - this place does succeed in allowing these different practices to coexist (at least during the festival). I think that is really cool, and its inspiring, and I have truly appreciated seeing all this art, and some stuff, and meeting all these different people.
I do wish them a dedicated coordinator and some funding. I wish that the next time I come here - will I? - there will be toilet paper and that I dont have to start my residency by cleaning out dirty dishes and mopping the floor. I have also other wishes but there is no point in repeating all that (see part 1). In the end, I have had an interesting time, something have changed and shifted and I am really happy I came here.
In the studio, packing bags
Tallinn
12/08/27 